Why Vyvyan hates Cliff Richard
by Muttzrock
Summary: Vyvyan explains why he hates Cliff Richard so much. SLASH RickVyvyan! Rated T for language


**Author: Muttzrock**

**Title: Why Vyvyan hates Cliff Richard**

**Disclaimer: OWN NOTHING!! NOT ONE DROP!**

**Pairings: Vyvyan/Rick**

**Warnings: Language, mild discussion of sex**

**Summary: Vyvyan explains why he hates Cliff Richard so much**

**Notes: First 'The Young Ones' fic**

Well apart from the obvious of his Music being total an utter Crap in the punk's opinion, he hates it when one of the bastard's song comes out of Rick's radio first thing in the afternoon when he's just waking up.

Another reason is how Rick gets so offended if one bad word is said against the stupid plonker, the git idealises him and would defend him no matter what.

It doesn't help when Vyvyan finally gets the weedy acne infested boy on his own and in his lap during a snogging session in the drawing room with the telly on and Cliff Richard or something about the twat suddenly comes on the TV and Rick jumps off him and pays full attention to the TV screen leaving the punk with a stiffy and his 'boyfriend' ogling an old ugly prick.

And Vyvyan especially hates it when a situation like this happens…

"What's this ugly bastard doing on the telly" Vyvyan asked loudly, pulling Rick off the couch and replacing the vacant seat with him putting himself in between his two friends.

"I'm watching this show, so you better not change the channel!" Rich threatened as he got up to sit on the rickety chair "And I think he's rather attractive _actually_" he huffed. The punk for once paid full attention to Rick.

"Do you think he's more attractive than me!" he screamed in horror, throwing Neil off the sofa so he can get closer to the anarchist "Cliff Richard is an ugly twat, how the hell is he better looking than me?" Rick just looked at him unimpressed.

"Easy, he just is" Rick smirked triumphantly, at Vyvyan's facial expression, until the punk kicked in the telly.

"That was totally un-cool Vyvyan we were watching that" Neil wined slowly.

"Vyvyan you BASTARD! I was watching that" The sociology student attacked the medical student, with the rickety chair.

It took nearly a month before Rick allowed Vyvyan to get back into his bed after that falling out, instead they went to Vyvyan's room but eventually it just stunk too much for Rick to handle so they went back to his bedroom. As they lay in their post orgasm haze, usually it was Rick who would talk and Vyvyan would have to scream at him to shut up, but this time Vyvyan was the first to speak.

"Do you fantasies I'm ClifffuckingRichard when I'm shagging you?" first off Rick was surprised to hear Vyvyan speak so early afterwards, and then he was disgusted by Vyvyan's crudeness, then in puzzlement at the idea.

"What? Why would I imagine you as Cliff you look nothing like him"

"Well you were saying he was more attractive than me"

"You know I didn't actually say that in so many words" Rick denied quickly before Vyvyan started to get angry.

"Ah, but do you then?" he pointed accusingly

"Look Vyvyan when you start farting for the hell of it and smashing everything in sight, possibly everyone on the planet is more attractive than you, but there are times where you don't look that bad" Rick tried to explain. Vyvyan just stared at him.

"DO YOU THINK CLIFF RICHARD IS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN ME!!!?" Vyvyan shouted at the top of his lungs.

"SOMETIMES HE IS!!" Rick shouted back

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMETIMES? IS HE OR IS HE NOT?"

"Look this is getting a bit ruddy ridicules" shrieked Rick sitting up "Just drop this now"

"Why should I?" Vyvyan sat up glaring continuously "IS HE OR IS HE NOT!" He watched as Rick began grinning.

"You're jealous! You are jealous!!" Vyvyan nearly chocked on his vomit.

"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"

"Yes you are!"

"NO I AM NOT" Vyvyan punched the wall angrily, his fist went right threw the wall and managed to punch a sleeping Neil in the face.

"Look young man!" Rick shouted, he was kneeling up so he was taller than Vyvyan "Admit it, your jealous!" he huffed proudly. Then stood up on his bed "You think you have competition, and why not? I am a very attractive man" Vyvyan slowly stood up, and punched Rick's smug face

Vyvyan was now really fuming; he was breaking more stuff than he usually does, if that was possible, he was being more violent to Neil then ever and had actually punched Mike rather shockingly. It didn't help that Rick had told him that he was going away to a Cliff Richard concert this month. Vyvyan hated that man with all intensity, it had nothing to do with Rick fancying the man, had nothing to do with that at all, he just hated the man because he was so hateable.

"Oh for Cliff's sake" Rick sighed irritably as he began his usual rant at Neil. That's another reason why Vyvyan hates Cliff Richard; Rick has to bring him up in EVERY conversation.

"SHUT UP PRICK!" screamed Vyvyan smacking the anarchist over the head with a cricket bat.

It was the day that Rick was going away to the concert, the sociology student was jumping off the walls in excitement, Vyvyan hated it, and his excuse was that Rick being extremely happy was the cause; he denied that it might have something to do with him missing the spotty anarchist. The sociology student was about to walk to his taxi, but he stood at the hole in the wall where the door used to be before Vyvyan smashed it in, he waited for Vyvyan to kiss him goodbye or show indication that he'll miss him, Rick was about to storm off, but was stopped when Vyvyan's mother charged in.

"Piss off!" Vyvyan growled at his mother

"Vyvyan I am your mother" she screeched in horror.

"Piss off mum" he corrected, she smiled happily

"That's better, now give me £20"

"You what?"

"I am your mother, after everything I've done for you twenty quid is nothing"

"You haven't done anything for me!"

"What about the bottle of vodka I gave you when you were ill" 

"It was an empty bottle of Vodka!!"

"Who cares, give me the money!"

"I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!"

"Well then PISS OFF UGLY!" she shouted at him giving him the Vs, then stormed off.

"What are you still doing here?" Vyvyan grimaced feeling a bit embarrassed that Rick saw that poor show of 'motherly love'.

"I don't have enough money for the taxi" Rick told him "The BASTARD taxi driver!" he shouted angrily, he calmed down quickly and walked up to the punk so they were face to face, he kissed him and grabbed his hand to pull his boyfriend to the direction of his bedroom, Vyvyan followed him without a word.

After they had sex or 'fucked Rick into the mattress' as Vyvyan would like to call it, the anarchist was fast asleep curled up in the punk's side. The medical student was smoking a fag as he thought about his mum's visit, that bitch has done nothing for him. He almost felt relieved that Rick was here to take his mind off his past, it was only sheer luck really, if Rick had enough money he'd be long gone, with that thought in mind, he untangled himself from the other's limbs, and leaned over to pick up Rick's jacket to nick his money, but was suddenly confused when he pulled the money out and saw that Rick has far more than enough money for the taxi. Vyvyan looked at his sleeping partner, then back at the money still in confusion.

"He couldn't of…" Vyvyan mumbled, Rick was so excited about seeing

Cliff Richard it was everything to him, but he's here asleep in his bed "Stupid git" he put the money back into the pocket, he crawled back under the covers and looked down at the sociologist student. "I'm not jealous" he said smugly "Cliff Richard is jealous of me, but I still hate him"


End file.
